Depression

Hello, my name is Leah and I have clinical depression. What this means is that sometimes, I’m just sad or tired. For me, this presents as a losing interest in things that I enjoy, wanting to just be alone and crawl into bed, and feeling too exhausted to break the cycle. This disease keeps itself strong by convincing you that life will just “be this way” and stealing all the energy needed to fight it. In these times, nothing written above matters, as the disease can be stronger.

During times of depression, it feels like I was just born low on a happiness spectrum. That my set point determines everything, and there’s no getting out of it.

Writing from a place of having a bad bout of depression last week, but feeling better this week, my advice to myself, and to you, is:

• It fucking sucks. Last week I was in Hawaii, had a solid job, and was surrounded by people who care about me. But it still happened. You can’t control when it happens, why it happens, or where it happens. It just is, and it fucking sucks.

• Accept it-- depression is here!

• Vocalize that you are depressed, tell yourself, a close friend, a relative, the internet, a journal-- anyone. Know that you are not alone in this.

• Ask yourself, how does this usually get better? For me, the things that help are:

  • Change of scenery (get out of the house)

  • Physical exercise

  • Learning something new

  • Community service

  • Spending time with a compassionate friend

• But there’s the hard part… actually doing it. I think it’s ok to give yourself a couple days to mope and be sad. Think of it as a sick day. But then reach out and rely on your community to help push you to do the things that help. Make plans with a friend that you can’t break. Have your parents call you to check in. People will help if you ask them to.

• If you haven’t already, seek a therapist or psychiatrist. I have both, and they’ve helped me immensely

• Keep your imagination open. Even if it doesn’t feel ~that great~ and your depression has convinced you it’ll be this way forever, try to remember a time that you were happy. Just try (maybe keep a journal of positive memories and photos to remind you?) and keep your imagination open that future happiness is possible

• When you get out of it, try writing a letter to yourself like this one to help you with next time

• And you might be a little depression hungover too where it lingers… that’s ok and very normal 

• Help others daily. Even when it feels hard to help yourself, you may find more motivation to help others and snap yourself out of it