Falling in Love

I imagined falling in love to be different. From films and books, I imagined that I would fall in love many times. First, with the dashing prince who I meet on the beach, who approaches me and sweeps me off my feet. And then with the cute girl at the library, as we both reached for the same feminist literature. And maybe with the musician, who looks at me in the crowd from the stage. I never really got as far as thinking how all of these would end-- I romanticized the process of experiencing new things and people, imagining it to be a thrill, butterfly feeling of falling in love. But when I envisioned a future with a family, it was hard for me to see myself with any of these people-- I never could clearly envision what I look for in a partner.


I met my a man a party in Bushwick. He fit in none of this boxes, but I felt more supported, cared for, and happy than ever before  The only issue is I was stuck in this mentality of what love was. I felt that I needed to experience all of these things and people to learn about myself and what I like. I couldn't commit because I didn’t know myself and what I wanted. So we ended it before love could flourish.


I went on a journey of self-discovery which involved a lot of therapy. I uncovered my true values and who I am. 


I am:


And I realized what I want in a partner. Someone who also values community, respects my bodily autonomy (bell hooks), takes action when needs, is open and communicative, wants to grow and wants me to grow.


The more I realized who I am and what I want, the more I fell in love with this man. It’s strange, but this was a largely solitary process (of course, with the guidance of my therapist). I never imagined falling in love with someone without being with them, but that’s how it happened to me.


A couple takeaways: