Free Will vs. Determinism

I’m torn between two schools of thought.

1. Everything is predetermined. The world is working in a perfect order to optimize everyone’s happiness and wellbeing. Even things that are bad are meant to happen for overall good. This makes sense because we are just products of our biology and experiences, so it will just turn out the way it’s meant to. It’s also comforting and optimistic in bad times.

2. We have total free will. We are able to go against our instincts and act however we choose (albeit suffering the consequences and cognitive dissonance). Bad things just happen, a lot of the time because people choose them to happen. This is an opportunity to grow in relation to them and demonstrate who we are.

The more I live, the more I think #2 is more true. Perhaps the way our consciousness works is not governed by the same laws of physics as our mind and body, so we can choose freely. But then how do I derive some comfort in bad things happening? Like depressive episodes, or COVID, or being lied to? Perhaps I just see these as inevitabilities, we have to have the bad to appreciate the good. And it’s an opportunity for us to grow and respond in a way that demonstrates who we are.

Something deep in my core still believes that there is a beauty and symmetry in the universe. But maybe that’s just humans being so adaptable that we can derive meaning in any situation. And maybe it’s naive to think that the universe is always watching out for me. But if I have free will, I CHOOSE to believe that the universe is on my side. That whatever happens to me it will lead to my growth. Perhaps I won’t realize it in this lifetime, or the next, or the next, but perhaps it all makes sense.